Spring Breakin'

Photo Credit:  rikahi at morgueFile.com

My son asked me when I was planning to post my next Sips of Sunshine.  I said, “Oh, probably on Tuesday, like I always do.”  He said, “You know it’s Spring Break, Mom.  Why don’t you just do a poem like, ‘Roses are red, violets are blue; it’s Spring Break, no Sips for you.’”

Oh goodness – I love that silly kiddo!  But, to prevent myself from becoming a recent pin on Pinterest, I think I’ll just do a quick Sips this weekend and take the week off with the kiddos.  (The pin said, “I used to make cookies with my Mom.  She blogs now, so I pretty much just raise myself.”)  Not.  Gonna.  Be.  That.  Mom.  No way!

However, I thought it would be fun to at least share some random giggles with you to get your week started off right.  I’m on an e-mail list that sends “family-friendly” jokes each day.  Here are some of Mikey’s Funnies from last week that might make you smile, too:

“When a man marries a woman, they become one.  The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”  (Ain’t that thuh truth?!  ha ha)

GREAT TRUTHS THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
2. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back.  They always catch the second person.
3. You can’t trust your dog to watch your food.
4. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
5. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
6. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Laughing is good exercise.  It’s like jogging on the inside.
5. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food.  I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4. You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age just comes alone.

CHILD-REARING Q&A:

Q:  Should I have a baby after 35?

A:  No, 35 children is enough.

Q:  I’m two months pregnant now.  When will my baby move?

A:  With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q:  How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

A:  If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q:  What is the most common pregnancy craving?

A:  For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q:  What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

A:  Childbirth

Q:  My wife is five months pregnant and is so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.

A:  So, what’s your question?

Q:  How long is the average woman in labor?

A:  Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q:  My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure.  Is she right?

A:  Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q:  When is the best time to get an epidural?
A:  Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

A LATE FUNNY:

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running to church as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.  As she ran, she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!  Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!" 

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.  She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.  As she ran, she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!  But, please don’t shove me either!"

I hope these funnies brought a little sunshine your way.  May God watch over you and your families during this Spring Break week.  May you enjoy carefree timelessness and make memories galore!

I’ll leave you with some food for thought…Jesus died over 2000 years ago, but nobody has ever referred to him as the “late Jesus.”  Nowhere in history.  Ever.  He is never referred to in the past tense.  How about that?!  He is the living God!  Wow.  I love that, don’t you?

This same living God doesn’t want us to fret our way through life.  He wants us to trust Him.  He wants us to trust that He knows “how” we are supposed to do our “what.”  Faith is the victory.  Trust comes before the victory.  Let’s trust and give thanks…always.

Here’s to Spring Breakin’ 2013!  See ya next week…